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One of the interesting things I have observed in my counseling and psychotherapy practice is the way in which some people justify or validate their fears and, therefore, defeat their efforts to make some of the changes they entered therapy to achieve.

The following is an example of an exchange between two people -frequently a married couple in a counseling session – that often leads to a troubled stalemate or, worse, intensified frustration and greater conflict.

One of the things I have learned in the course of my years providing counseling and psychotherapy is the importance of listening. Some believe ‘just listening’ to be too passive and, therefore, perhaps, not sufficiently helpful. Others appreciate the value and helpfulness of simply having an opportunity to talk about something and feel well heard and understood by a good listener.

If criticism were an object, some people would think of it as a dagger, a spear, or a two by four aimed at the head. Too few think of it as a gift that can be useful and lead to beneficial long-term change.

This article is about something I have often observed in my work with clients, especially with couples, that continues to baffle and cause concern: the inability to say "I'm sorry."

Recently, a client in my psychotherapy practice was reflecting on her experience in therapy after what she described as three productive years of treatment. Laura was originally referred by her family physician when no medical cause could be identified to explain her various physical complaints and disrupted sleep, among other difficulties. She struggled with depression, was frequently anxious, and described herself as a chronic worrier who saw the world, essentially, through a bleak lens. She reported general unease with matters of daily living and appeared to have a hard time finding joy and satisfaction in her personal life or in her professional life as a museum curator.

We've all seen them (or maybe some of us have been one of them). The driver on the highway who cuts us off or denies us entry into his or her lane when it seems like such a reasonable, even necessary thing to do. Or, the driver who makes various hand gestures at us when they – rightly or wrongly – believe that we have acted provocatively toward them while driving. What happens to so many of us that leads us to rant and rage on the road, thus behaving in ways that we normally condemn as unacceptable and inappropriate adult behavior? And, is this any different than the behavior of the parent who becomes angry and aggressive at his or her child's soccer game?<

If you accept the notion that resilience is a quality that can be cultivated, as opposed to seeing it only as a genetically determined quality, you might be inspired to strengthen your ability to become more resilient. People often have considerable capacity to build strength and better coping skills, although they often are not sufficiently aware of this.

In a recent treatment session, Kelli (not her real name, of course) wanted my help in deciding whether or not she ought to continue dating Greg, the new man she met through an on-line dating website. At first, this seemed like a perfectly reasonable and appropriate issue to raise in therapy and invite my input. I listened intently as Kelli reported the conversations she had already had with many family members, friends, and colleagues about what she should do about her 'problem.' Not surprisingly, Kelli had become quite confused and more doubtful when she discovered that her respondents were about evenly divided regarding whether and how she should proceed with Greg.

Whenever I conduct an initial interview, I ask several questions about a client's general health, lifestyle choices and habits, and overall physical well being. These questions are asked also of clients with whom I have an ongoing relationship. This inquiry includes questions about smoking, drinking, drug use, eating behaviors and sleep. With regard to the last of these, I am interested to know whether there is too much (a common sign of possible depression), too little, and what a person's attitude is about sleep. Also, I want to know whether there are sleep-related difficulties (e.g. difficulties falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up) that might need attention.