There is a concept in the psychological literature known as locus of control that is unfamiliar to most people, even though, once defined, is probably commonly understood. Locus of control is an individual's belief system regarding the causes of his or her experiences and the factors to which that person attributes success or failure.
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Coping with the Effects of Trauma
A common and strongly held belief on the part of mental health professionals and others is that everyone needs to express their feelings following a traumatic event in order to recover from its effects. Following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 in New York City, many organizations urged or even required their employees to attend mandatory group sessions in order to help the healing process. Many found that sharing their feelings and listening to the feelings of others to be helpful. Some, however, found it unhelpful or, in fact, harmful in their efforts to cope with the event in their own way. Simply put, not everyone copes with the effects of trauma in the same way and so should not feel compelled to talk about it if they wish not to.
Easier or Better
Several years ago, I was invited to teach a course in the doctoral program at the school of social work where I earned my own doctorate; an honor I was eager to accept. The course I was to teach was similar to one that I had taken earlier as a student in the program.
Hidden Depression
It is commonly understood in our society that depression is a disorder of epidemic proportions that too often is unrecognized, misdiagnosed, or improperly treated. The symptoms can run the gamut from headaches and chest pains to memory loss and extreme apathy. Many people with physical symptoms of one kind or another never realize that their complaints emanate from depression. As a result, many depressed people never bring their problems to medical attention and those who do typically see doctors who are not specialists in mental health.
Personal Propaganda
“I meant to call you, but I didn’t have time!” “I absolutely cannot afford a gym membership or a personal trainer!” “I’m not sure I have enough money to raise a child in New York City.” “There is nothing I could have done about it!” “No way can I find the time for lunch.”
How Not to Feel Sorry for Yourself
Marsha was someone who believed that one of the main purposes and benefits of her friendships was to have people with whom to share her troubles and get sympathy.
Saying “No” and Accepting “No”
Many people find it very difficult to say “no” or to accept someone’s saying “no” to them without experiencing negative emotions. As a result, they often say “yes” when they really mean the opposite, which leads to consequences like anger and resentment directed toward themselves and others. A young client of mine who said “yes” to six suitors who asked her to the high school senior prom is a memorable example.
Why Am I Shy?
Handling Social Anxiety. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt,” is a saying attributed to Abraham Lincoln. This appears to be the negative belief of people who become very nervous in social situations and are convinced that they will say something foolish, thereby justifying their feelings of social ineptitude.
Think Better, Change Better
Relieving Anxiety By Identifying Negative Thinking: People in psychotherapy or counseling can be helped to see that their problems may be traceable to anxiety-inducing beliefs caused by irrational thought patterns. This awareness can stimulate a productive therapeutic effort leading to meaningful emotional and behavioral change.
Mixed Signals
Making Sense of Things That Don’t Add Up: Emily was excited after her blind date with Walt. More than any man she had met in years, he was charming, funny, successful, and seemed as taken with her as she was with him. They had much in common and both indicated their pleasure in finally meeting someone with whom they wished to spend more than twenty minutes. After a polite first kiss in the lobby of her apartment building, he promised to call within a few days to arrange their next date. That was the last Emily ever heard from Walt.
