The 'he' and 'she' are interchangeable: She: "I hate it when you walk out in the middle of one of our conversations."
He: "I really don’t think I do that."
She: "Oh, yes you do!"
He: "NO, I DON'T!"
She: "Don’t get defensive!"
He: "I’m NOT being defensive!"
She: "Oh, yes you are."
He: "I’m just disagreeing with you. Stop calling me defensive…"
When one member of a couple accuses their partner of being defensive, it usually feels like an attack that inspires a counterattack, as most attacks of any kind will do. What gets lost in these exchanges is the issue that was originally raised. Unfortunately, this disenables a meaningful discussion that might have led to deeper understanding and positive behavioral change between both parties. If too often repeated, it also has the effect of creating an atmosphere of despair when two people continually bog down in self-defeating exchanges like this one. Defensiveness is usually a two-way street; as one person becomes defensive, the other person responds defensively and the situation deteriorates from there.