• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Richard B. Joelson, DSW

Psychotherapist, Author

  • Home
  • Book
    • Press Kit
  • Articles
  • Commentaries
  • Audio
  • Biography
  • Practice
  • Contact

Good Enough – Excellent – Perfect

by Richard B. Joelson, DSW.  Category: Help Me!, Newsletter Articles, Public. 

When the struggle for perfection obstructs our achievable goal…

The idea for this essay came from years of observing how people tend to utilize and relate to the three concepts in the title. Good enough, excellent, and perfect can be seen as degrees on a continuum, or as independent concepts or levels. The emotional significance placed on these terms can promote or interfere with personal satisfaction and success.

Dartboard

Photo by skeeze/Pixabay

Frequently, clients will describe a person, an experience, or even themselves, using “perfect” as an ideal reference. Bob: “I don’t want to get married until I find the perfect woman for me.” Sheila: “my presentation to the board of directors has to be perfect.” Arthur: “The play was okay, but it wasn’t perfect.” Jill: “My fiancé’s parents are coming for dinner. I want the evening to be perfect.” Perfection references can be harmless and perhaps nothing more than an expression of enthusiasm or excitement. “I had the most perfect day yesterday at the museum!” “Everything at the surprise party went perfectly!” Problems may arise when the need for “perfect” creates disappointment or disillusionment and interferes with someone’s ability to appreciate and enjoy excellent—or even good enough—achievement.

In therapy or counseling sessions, clients will often hear me express concern when I hear “perfect” used in a way that I believe to be problematic. This often leads to an exploration of the client’s expectations and whether they are reasonable and realistic. “Perfect” dates usually aren’t, of course, but some people experience this as profoundly disappointing or, worse, inadequate and unacceptable. Bob may never find someone to marry unless he can learn to accept the flaws, limitations, and foibles of others, as well as his own. Sheila may be putting excessive pressure on herself, thereby making it more difficult to develop an excellent presentation for her board of directors. I asked Arthur, an actor himself, to define a “perfect” play for me and he was able to appreciate the unrealistic nature of his expectations when he tried to do so. Fortunately, Jill was able to relax her self-demand for perfection and instead allowed a more spontaneous and enjoyable evening with her future in-laws.

Sometimes people really don’t mean “perfect” no matter how they use the term in discussing their lives, but many do—and they become deeply disappointed when their expectations are not met. Often, major decisions—some life-altering—are made because something does not pass the “perfect” test. Individuals who struggle to achieve perfection, as they define it, may be unable to work toward a more realistic and achievable goal: excellence. “I did the best I could,” or “I gave an excellent speech” can and should replace “I was not good enough” or “My speech was not perfect.” On some occasions, “good enough” may be an acceptable level of accomplishment or achievement, as well. Many believe that “good enough” is synonymous with inadequate and find it too far from perfect to be acceptable. Perhaps attempting to apply these three levels of evaluation to your own personal and professional lives will make them even more meaningful and enjoyable, especially if you are able to be realistic and fair to yourself and others in doing so.

Tweet
Share
Share
0 Shares

An updated version of Good Enough - Excellent - Perfect is included in my new book, Help Me!. More information, including the table of contents, reviews and purchasing information is available on the Help Me! page.

Primary Sidebar

Recent Commentaries

  • Commentary: Growth and Fixed Mindsets

  • Thoughts on Trauma in the Time of COVID-19

  • Anticipatory Anxiety and the Current Political Climate

  • Commentary on “Insight Rich and Change Poor” and “Thinking Instead of Doing”

Top Articles

  • Ambivalationships

  • Chronic Couples Conflict – Causes & Cures

  • Fears, Feelings, and Facts

  • Handling Rather Than Avoiding

  • Hindsight, Insight, and Foresight

  • How Could They Have Said That?

  • Insight Rich and Change Poor

  • Marriage is a Verb, Not a Noun

  • Married Bachelors – Married Bachelorettes

  • Premature Quitting

  • Pride or Boasting

  • Problem or Condition?

  • Self-Blame or Self-Inquiry?

  • Snatching Defeat From the Jaws of Victory

  • Syntonic and Dystonic

  • Thinking Instead of Doing

  • Unsolicited Advice

News

  • Commentary: Growth and Fixed Mindsets

    June 23rd, 2021
  • Thoughts on Trauma in the Time of COVID-19

    April 3rd, 2020

Article Categories

  • Work and Career Issues
  • Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress
  • Stress Management
  • Self-Esteem
  • Relationships and Family Issues
  • Published Articles
  • Public
  • Perfectionism
  • Newsletter Articles
  • Miscellaneous
  • Mid Life Issues
  • Help Me!
  • Grief Recovery
  • For Professionals
  • EMDR
  • Content Subscription
  • Anxiety and Depression
  • Anger Issues

Subscribe to my mailing list

Receive all new articles, commentaries and updates on events and my book directly to your inbox.

All content copyright © 2011-2025 Richard B. Joelson. All Rights Reserved.

Essays are not available for reprinting/reuse without express written permission.
Please contact me to obtain permission.

Privacy Statement • Sitemap

Why Is Registration Required?

As you may know, up until May 2016, this article was freely available to the public without registration. Now, however, this article and many more are available in edited form in my new book, Help Me!.

I was advised during the publishing process to completely remove all of these articles from this site, but it’s very important to me that these articles stay accessible to the public in their original form, to help those in need and to help increase understanding.

Therefore, I’m requiring you to take a moment and register with this site to be able to access all of the restricted content on this site, for free. If you’d like, during registration you are also welcome to sign up for my mailing list, which will allow you to receive all new articles and commentaries posted to this site in your inbox automatically.

Some of my most popular posts do not require registration at all.

If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Richard_Signature