We all hear ourselves say these and many similar statements from time to time. Beliefs like the ones above are uttered with great certainty and are often the very ways in which we defeat ourselves and deny a more satisfying and fulfilling way of life. I refer to these oft-heard declarations as “personal propaganda.” When I am able to be sufficiently self-aware and insightful in my own life, I try to challenge myself when I hear myself say, for example, “I don’t have the time to work on that article,” or “I’m much too busy to attend that conference.”
As someone in the privileged position of helping others, I frequently hear examples of such firmly held beliefs and find myself attempting to determine whether I am listening to self-defeating examples of propaganda or whether there is a legitimate basis for the belief. It is often immediately obvious. The person who could not afford a gym membership ($85 per month), is a wine expert who thinks nothing of uncorking a $200 bottle of his latest acquisition at dinner with friends. It is easy to observe, in this case, how one’s values and preferences often guide judgment and beliefs about what is or is not ‘affordable.’ Similarly, the client who tried to convince me that there was “no way” he could afford to raise a child in New York City, was a member of the Wall Street community, as well as an art collector, whose income, which he had shared with me, was clearly more than adequate. His history-based fear of both marriage and fatherhood had taken the form of irrational beliefs about the affordability of having children in New York.
Two other common examples often heard from the “I don’t have the time” believers, are the issues of adequate sleep and healthy eating. So many of the symptoms or problems reported by sleep-deprived people would be eliminated – or at least eased – by adequate rest. Too often, however, the claim is “no time.” This particular assertion is often traceable to the belief that sleep is a ‘waste of time’ during which nothing productive or meaningful takes place. Similarly, busy people are often heard to justify poor eating or not eating at all because of the extraordinary demands of the job that leaves “no time.”
Perhaps by becoming more self-aware of our own “personal propaganda,” we might have a better opportunity to more successfully challenge some of our self-defeating behaviors.
