“I meant to call you, but I didn’t have time!” “I absolutely cannot afford a gym membership or a personal trainer!” “I’m not sure I have enough money to raise a child in New York City.” “There is nothing I could have done about it!” “No way can I find the time for lunch.”
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How Not to Feel Sorry for Yourself
Marsha was someone who believed that one of the main purposes and benefits of her friendships was to have people with whom to share her troubles and get sympathy.
Saying “No” and Accepting “No”
Many people find it very difficult to say “no” or to accept someone’s saying “no” to them without experiencing negative emotions. As a result, they often say “yes” when they really mean the opposite, which leads to consequences like anger and resentment directed toward themselves and others. A young client of mine who said “yes” to six suitors who asked her to the high school senior prom is a memorable example.
Why Am I Shy?
Handling Social Anxiety. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt,” is a saying attributed to Abraham Lincoln. This appears to be the negative belief of people who become very nervous in social situations and are convinced that they will say something foolish, thereby justifying their feelings of social ineptitude.
Problem or Condition?
Managing and Treating Depression. People who seek out therapists for help with depression and anxiety have often struggled with these feelings on their own for long periods of time. The decision to seek help may come as a result of feeling frustrated and helpless to resolve a particular issue or because of a chronic unhappiness with their lives.
Think Better, Change Better
Relieving Anxiety By Identifying Negative Thinking: People in psychotherapy or counseling can be helped to see that their problems may be traceable to anxiety-inducing beliefs caused by irrational thought patterns. This awareness can stimulate a productive therapeutic effort leading to meaningful emotional and behavioral change.
Mixed Signals
Making Sense of Things That Don’t Add Up: Emily was excited after her blind date with Walt. More than any man she had met in years, he was charming, funny, successful, and seemed as taken with her as she was with him. They had much in common and both indicated their pleasure in finally meeting someone with whom they wished to spend more than twenty minutes. After a polite first kiss in the lobby of her apartment building, he promised to call within a few days to arrange their next date. That was the last Emily ever heard from Walt.
Handling Mistakes and Failures
Different people have different ways of handling mistakes and failure. Some people, who make a mistake or experience failure of one kind or another, will see to it that they avoid the situation or circumstance in which it occurred. Others respond by ensuring that they learn something from the experience and try, where possible not to repeat it.
