Intimacy Confusion Breeds Conflict: For some people, intimacy is a challenge and a source of considerable concern. For others, it feels like a language in which they are fluent and, therefore, can easily converse. Many people worry-perhaps deservedly, perhaps not-about their capacity for intimacy, especially if they have been labeled as being somehow intimacy-deficient.
A few years ago, I submitted an article to The New York Resident, a free weekly newspaper in New York City that very much resembled the popular and nationally distributed New York Magazine. That first article entitled, “Think Better, Change Better” was well received by the features editor who encouraged additional submissions from me. It was a challenge! My mandate was to write articles that would appeal to a varied and diverse readership that would discuss important topics or concepts with, hopefully, some recommendations or advice to the reader, and that would never exceed 500 words! This led to a series of twelve published articles – all of which are included in this section. The editors re-titled two of my articles while leaving the others alone. “Snatching Defeat” was originally titled, “Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory.” “Dead Flowers,” a title I still don’t understand, was originally titled, “Whose Intimacy Is It?”
Another article in this section, “How Could They Have Said That?” was published by the same newspaper in 1996 and became a much circulated guide for people struggling to ‘say the right thing’ to those suffering the effects of negative or traumatic events in their lives.
I hope that you will enjoy and benefit from these articles as well as the many others in the Resources section of my website.
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How Grief Goes Wrong: There are many different kinds of grief. Uncomplicated or normal grief is characterized by a number of feelings, beliefs and behaviors that most people experience after a significant loss. Those who suffer a loss of a loved one usually experience sadness, and often guilt and self-reproach. Anxiety, fatigue, helplessness, and shock are also common components of a normal grief reaction. The intensity and extent of these reactions vary, but none of them are viewed as pathological.
Different people have different ways of handling mistakes and failure. Some people, who make a mistake or experience failure of one kind or another, will see to it that they avoid the situation or circumstance in which it occurred. Others respond by ensuring that they learn something from the experience and try, where possible not to repeat it.