The pursuit of happiness, it seems, continues to be a consuming enterprise for many people, especially those who have found the state of happiness – as they define it – an elusive goal. The phrase as they define it is key to understanding one of the reasons why so many claim to either not be happy or not really know whether or not they are. Some believe that happiness is the natural outcome of its commonly identified predecessors; namely, health and wealth. However, experience tells us that the anticipated trio of health, wealth, and happiness is often not realized.
It is a common question heard in psychotherapy offices from bewildered and confused people who do not understand why they are not ‘happy’ when, in their judgment, they have all of the necessary components of happiness. Many tend to believe that happiness is primarily a function of positive external factors and circumstances, like health and wealth. If this were generally true, then we would expect the wealthy to be happy and the poor to be the opposite. Obviously, we know this not to be the case. I have heard clients wonder why they don’t seem to be as happy as the less well off neighbor or much less well paid colleague at the office.
Scientists have come up with interesting findings from their research on this subject. One is that money does little to make us happier once our basic needs are met. Another is that marriage and faith lead to happiness (or could it be that happy people are more likely to be married and spiritual). They have also concluded that temperamental “set points” for happiness – a predisposition to stay at a certain level of happiness – account for a high percentage of our feelings of well-being.
If, as some do, one defines happiness as the “absence” of problems in life, then happiness – as so defined – will unlikely be realized. If, on the other hand, happiness is at least partially defined as an excellent ability to handle life’s problems when they occur, achieving a state of happiness has a chance.
My belief has long been that a major component of happiness is traceable to the extent to which a person can cope well with life’s demands, get through difficulties with minimal or no self-esteem loss, and generally feel capable and competent as they proceed through life and its constant challenges. Those who struggle with worry and dread and see life as a harsh and unforgiving obstacle course are less likely to feel fulfilled and satisfied and, therefore, less likely to report being happy. For some, the greatest challenge of all may be to strive to move from the beliefs, attitudes, and ideas that are associated with unhappiness to those that are more likely to lead to states of happiness as we best understand and define it.
